After ICU Shift, Coming Home To Family

The Covid-19 patient was not doing well. As Xavier Velez tended to him, he was hit with a jolt — the patient reminded him of his own father.

Velez is a registered nurse in a trauma-focused intensive care unit of the Yale New Haven Hospital. His wife, Catherine Velez, works in the hospital as a respiratory therapist.

It has been an intense couple of months. Moments like this one on the Saturday night shift suddenly pierce the professional equanimity.

“The cases that bother me the most are when I can relate it to my own life,” Xavier Velez said. ​“As medical practitioners, we’re good at shutting that off. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be able to do our job. Then there are times when you are human, and you just are affected.”

A Tough Night

This Covid-19 patient was Xavier Velez’s only responsibility that evening. The patient was hooked up to eight or so intravenous medications. He was having such difficulty breathing that he was lying on his stomach, a procedure called proning, Velez said.

“I looked at this patient, and I knew that the odds were against him. I knew that when I spoke to his family,” Velez said.

Velez spoke to the patient’s daughter, who is around his age. That child unable to visit a father, Velez realized, could be him.

Velez did not find out what happened to that patient after his care. It was a tough weekend, and multiple patients passed away. Velez said that there can be waves of difficult shifts like this at the ICU.

As a respiratory therapist, Catherine sees even more of this kind of tragedy than he does. She bounces between patients and might see 10 patients like this a night, he said.

Because she handles patients’ ventilators and other dangerous Covid-19 procedures, Catherine (pictured above) wears a full N100 respirator.

“When she goes to work, I’m worried about her, and I’m very proud of her. Respiratory therapists are unsung heroes. They are in there for every single dangerous thing for Covid-19,” Xavier said.

The Velezes let each other know when they have had a bad day at work. Xavier said that he makes sure to have food on the table and the dishes done when Catherine had a tough shift.

That Saturday, Velez called his father on his way home from New Haven to Beacon Falls. The drive is almost half an hour. He said that he often tells his father about his day, minus patient details.

“This patient reminded me of you. It sucked to go through it,” Velez remembered saying to his father.

“I always make it a point to tell him how much I love him. I do the same for my mom, my wife and my kids.”

A Day At Home

When Velez got home, his 4‑year-old Leia and his 8‑year-old Xander ran up to him. They are not allowed to hug him until he strips off his scrubs, throws them in the wash and showers.

“Then it’s all hugs and kisses. I think sometimes they understand that we have a stressful job. They will ask about work and what I did. Most kids could care less,” he said.

Catherine and Xavier decided to handle childcare themselves during the pandemic. When their son’s school closed, they decided to pull their daughter our of preschool as well. If school was dangerous for him, they reasoned, it was also dangerous for her.

Both sets of grandparents live in New York and are in their 60s and 70s. The couple decided not to ask their parents to help with childcare. This turned out to be prescient: The parents of peers have come down with the novel coronavirus by stepping in this way.

Catherine is doing 98 percent of the homeschooling, according to Xavier. Catherine works 24 hours a week in day shifts, and Xavier works 36 hours a week in night shifts, so they never have to leave their children alone.

This also means that when one job — the official job — ends, another begins.

Velez said that he usually sleeps around 3.5 hours a day, starting at around 9 a.m.

“A huge component of my sanity is being with my family and doing something besides work, whether that is cuddling, a conversation at lunch with my wife, or cooking dinner. Everybody has their own version. For me, family time is why I’m able to do this job and unwind and be happy,” he said.

Catherine has a more common sleeping schedule than he does. But she can be restless from stress, Xavier said. Her grandmother lives in New York and just turned 104, he explained.

“Thank God this hasn’t become personal for us. Next week could be a different story. You don’t know,” he said.

Catherine sits with their son for three or four hours at a time to keep him focused on his schoolwork. Xander is a second-grader at Laurel Ledge School.

If Xavier is home, he keeps Leia busy. He is working on the family’s kitchen these days and she helps out with her own set of tools.

Lord Of The Rings

When Velez got home that Saturday, his patient’s case was bothering him so much that he could not sleep at all. In the end, he and his son watched all six of the Lord of the Rings movies together.

He said that one day he will look back at this pandemic and think about all the extra time he got to spend with his family.

“I’ve been enjoying the heck out of it even though it’s stressful. There’s nothing better than your own damn kids to make you feel better,” Velez said.

“I don’t feel heroic. I’m happy that I have a job and happy that I have a skill set that is needed right now.”

Previous Pandemic Diaries:

• Ramadan Offers Pause During Pandemic
• Nursing Home Hell
• ICU Nurse Pivots To ​“New Territory”
• Covid Claims ​“Big E”
• Ray Of Hope Slips Through ICU Glass Doors
• The View From Inside The ER
• Doc Glimpses Coming Covid-19 ​“Storm”
• Day 20: I’m A Fighter, Not A Quitter
• Cops Roll With ​“Change Of Conditions”
• The Distance Between Us Diminishes
• Seniors Stuck In Stop & Shop Jam
• Burial In The Age Of Covid-19