A Call To Action: How To Help Victims Of Partner Violence

Here’s how to recognize the signs of intimate partner violence and whom to reach out to for help.

The events in Atlanta and Boulder this past week weigh heavily on all of us; the epidemic of mass shootings hurts communities near and far. We are left with more questions than answers. We are left to ponder how we as a country allow hate to fester and explode, or how untreated mental illness, which usually leads to a small circle of suffering, can sometimes lead to multiple heinous murders.

However, we have had our own smaller, but no less tragic, epidemic here in New Haven. In the past week, we have had two young women die in separate incidents in New Haven by gunfire, allegedly killed by their intimate partners. Both women were shot and died on the streets of New Haven, blocks from our hospital. In one case, another person was also physically injured by gunfire. In the other, a small baby was present and, for a short time, kidnapped. Both women were mothers to two young children.

I can only imagine the pain felt by the friends and families of these two women. In these situations, there is not just the sense of profound sadness of a young person dying. There is understandable anger and frustration at the needlessness, mixed with the sense of powerlessness that comes from having watched someone close to them live and die in one of these complicated, perilous and malignant relationships. 

As an emergency physician, I have seen many of the short and long-term consequences of the intimate partner violence (IPV) that affects people of all races, ethnicities, gender identities, education and income levels. Because those who suffer from it are often too afraid or embarrassed to discuss it, or may not see it themselves, the violence and the scars it leaves often remain hidden.

The Covid-19 pandemic has not only amplified social stressors, mental health issues, and substance use disorders that can fuel IPV, it has also created situations of increased isolation. Social distancing and quarantining are good for stopping the spread of a deadly virus but can be catastrophic to those living in intimate partner violence situations.

If you or someone you care about is in an IPV relationship, what can you do?

The first step is to recognize it. Potential red flags include stalking, excessive jealousy, controlling visits or calls with family and friends, destroying property or threatening to hurt pets, preventing attendance at work or school, or limiting access to money, food or medical care. The specifics vary in each relationship, but the common denominator is the abusive partner is establishing power or control.

These controlling behaviors often start before the acts of physical violence, which can include slapping, kicking, hitting, biting, and sexual assault. Choking is a particularly ominous warning sign for future acts of lethal violence. Escalation of violence is common anytime the abuser feels they are losing control over their victim, including during pregnancy or when a person tries to leave the relationship.

If someone is in an IPV situation, it may be critical to establish a safety plan, ideally with the help of professionals experienced in helping survivors of IPV. Many people who eventually leave abusive relationships go back to their partners several times before successfully ending the relationship. This can be confusing and painful for friends and family to watch. Multi-disciplinary teams of IPV professionals can help guide the survivor to leave on a schedule that is safer for them.

People experiencing IPV should know that they can ask for help from a medical professional. The Covid-19 precautions have made it so there is more privacy at medical visits because most medical clinics and emergency departments do not allow visitors. In the emergency department where I work, anyone who requests assistance due to intimate partner violence will be treated by medical providers with respect and compassion. They will be seen by a social worker who can provide resources, including referral to longterm services provided by organizations such as the Hope Family Violence Center and the Umbrella Center for Domestic Violence Services.

If young children are exposed to IPV, social workers can also make referrals for children to be evaluated and treated for possible unknown physical injuries or for counseling at the Yale Child Study Center. Many survivors of IPV report that concern for the safety of children was one of the prime motivations for ending destructive relationships.

In situations of physical harm or threat, it is important to know that people experiencing IPV in Connecticut have new protections when it comes to calling law enforcement. In the past, it was not uncommon for officers to arrest, or threaten to arrest, both parties at the scene of a 911 ​“domestic” call. The current version of the law, enacted in January 2019, states that officers may determine a ​“dominant aggressor” and can arrest only that person, which protects those people who may have hurt an aggressor while acting in self-defense prior to law enforcement arrival. 

The violence that took place in our city last week was unimaginable. The loved ones of these two young people, as well as the community as a whole, are grieving. If you want to be a part of the community response, please come to the Call to Action to End Domestic Violence Homicide event on Monday, March 29 at 3 p.m. on the New Haven Green.

Karen Jubanyik is an emergency medicine physician at Yale New Haven Hospital and a faculty member at the Yale School of Medicine.