New Moms Take A Breath

Chantell Thompson’s teenage daughter recently came home from school with her nose pierced. Thompson was livid. Then she took a deep breath. She cooled her thoughts.

“Instead of telling her she did something that would mess up her face — that’s a hot thought — I reframed it as ​‘she’s exploring, she really wants a nose ring, and my job is to show her the proper way to care for her nose to avoid infections,’” Thompson told the eight women listening intently around a table. ​“My job is to tell her that if you ever want to do anything in the future that involves piercing, let me know and let’s create a plan.” 

The scene was the Q House on a recent Thursday evening. Thompson, along with Kaussar Rahman, was leading the penultimate session of a 12-week maternal health program run by the nonprofit Mind Blossom, Inc., which provides mental health education and consulting.

In its second iteration, the program has included sessions on building, or rebuilding, credit, and tools of financial literacy training. The participants, all new mothers, engaged in training on self-advocacy with the United Way’s Parent Leadership Training Institute. One week, a doula discussed self-care, mental health challenges, and well as the influence of hormones on behavior. Each session the group practices progressive muscle relaxation techniques.

The program grew out of statistics ​“showing the prevalence of mental health challenges among all mothers as one in five, and among Black and Brown mothers as one in three,” said Pernille Yilmam, co-founder, along with Thompson, of Mind Blossom. ​“If you want to change generations and make an impact in this world, we need to start with the mothers.” 

The participation of Thompson, CEO of Mind Blossom, in the exercise on cooling hot thoughts wasn’t accidental. Neither was the inclusion of teenagers in the discussion; some of the mothers are parenting both newborns and teenagers. ​“We’re going to speak to the science, to the data, but we’re always going to relate it back to real life,” said Thompson, a certified life coach and therapeutic support worker who had her children at 16 and 19.

At that moment, a woman hurried in, carrying her baby and a plastic tray of fruit salad to share with the group. The participants have started their own tradition of bringing in food. Co-program coordinator Ethelia Holt sprang up and took the baby. Nursing school volunteers watch them during the sessions. In addition to child care, the program, which is supported by fundraising, provides each member with Uber vouchers and a weekly stipend of $46 to encourage participation. 

Another woman spoke up. She had gotten a call from her nephew’s school that afternoon, she told the group. He had been in an altercation. His mother had died in January. ​“I’m trying to be there for him, but I’m really struggling because this isn’t like him,” she said. ​“And I just really wanted to punch him in the chest.” 

Thompson paused. ​“In a moment of a hot thought, let’s speak to the facts, take emotion away,” she began. ​“He just lost his mother and he knows better, and you know he doesn’t usually act like this. He’s learning how to act, how to figure out who’s there for him, and now you have to take on a new role too. So you’re both finding your way.”

“I think you’re doing an amazing job,” said a woman two seats down, setting down a slice of pizza.

“Word,” said another. ​“You showed up for him. That’s what matters.”

They learned about the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for judgment and decision-making, and the amygdala, the emotional part of the brain — ​“teens process information with the amygdala,” Thompson said — and how development of the prefrontal cortex continues into the early 20s. ​“For anyone who was a teen parent here like me, wow, you did this when your brain wasn’t fully developed, which is not easy, so give yourself grace,” she said.

They watched a video on the Circle of Security, with a visual map illustrating the interplay between a child’s need to explore and their need for security and comfort, with the caregiver acting as a safe haven. 

Thompson talked about the concept of rupture and repair. ​“There are times when you’re on the phone, say, with UI and you just can’t be there for your child,” she said. ​“That’s OK, and this takes work, but you just have to say ​‘I know you needed me and I should have been there for you when I was on the phone, I couldn’t then, but I can now.’ Giving them that validation, it repairs the rupture.”

“There is no such thing as perfect parenting,” she went on, as a baby cooed. ​“Even when we feel like we’ve messed up, as long as we meet our child’s needs enough of the time, good enough is enough, and just by being here, by coming here, you all are helping yourselves get there.”