Surround yourself with people who help you thrive — and watch out for those around you who are up to trouble.
Marshawn Moore first learned that lesson three years ago soon after his older brother was shot and killed. The 13-year-old New Havener learned that lesson a second time during a college-campus panel discussion with city cops.
That message about paying close attention to one’s circle of friends came up again and again during a conversation led by New Haven Asst. Police Chief Bertram Ettienne, Det. Bleck Joseph, and Officer Tyler Evans at the New Haven Public Schools’ (NHPS) second annual Black and Brown Male Empowerment Conference.
Nearly 200 teens attended the conference, which was hosted by NHPS in partnership with Southern Connecticut State University (SCSU) on the state college’s campus for the entire school day Tuesday.
After sitting in on the city cop-led session and reflecting on the importance of being careful around who you spend time with, Moore, an eighth grader at Wexler Grant School, thought back to just a few years ago when he and his family learned that painful lesson firsthand.
He remembered being only 10 years old and coming home one day to find his mom crying. She said his brother, who had been a mentor to him, had been shot and killed.
“You can go to jail or die because of the people around you,” Moore told this reporter. “Like my brother did.”
"Leave The Guns Alone"
The inaugural Black and Brown Male Empowerment Conference took place before the start of the Covid-19 pandemic.
After a pause, school leaders helped to bring the event back with the goal of empowering young men to strive for higher education and to proactively connect with mentors. The event also offered plenty of reminders and advice on how to stay out of trouble.
The day started at around 10 a.m., with dozens of students filing into SCSU’s Michael J. Adanti Student Center ballroom to hear from the event’s lead organizer NHPS Supervisor of Youth Development and Engagement Kermit Carolina, SCSU Director of First-Year Admissions Nilvio Perez, and local attorney and community activist Michael Jefferson.
Then students dispersed into small groups to participate in workshops held by local leaders. Workshop topics ranged from sexual responsibility and the benefits of good credit to the impact of a criminal record and building your circle of friends.
Jefferson shared several stories with the group at the start of the event about young people of color he has defended as a criminal defense attorney. In all of the stories, Jefferson highlighted that many of the teens were facing jail time because of the wrong choice of whom they surrounded themselves with.
One teen was in a car while an illegal gun accidentally misfired and killed his best friend, Jefferson said. Another teen was in a stolen car that ended up crashing into a pole that toppled down and killed an infant. And another teen was involved in a fight that resulted in serious injury to a minor and robbery.
“Leave the guns alone,” Jefferson cautioned.
"Stay Around The Right People"
NHPD’s Ettienne, Joseph, and Evans led their workshop Tuesday reminding the students to watch who they hang out with and to choose their friends wisely.
The first session included eighth graders from Edgewood School, Hamden Middle School, and Wexler Grant.
Ettienne cautioned the students about peer pressure and hanging out with friends who partake in illegal activities. “One wrong decision can change everything,” he said.
Joseph, who told the students he has a love for collecting sneakers, shared a story from his teenage years when a group of his friends asked him to join them to burglarize a shoe store. Joseph was the only person in his friend group at the time who declined to join. “You have to say no when you want better for your future,” he said.
The room of young boys told the officers about their dreams to become barbers, entrepreneurs, traveling nurses, photographers, athletes, and surgeons.
Ettienne asked the room of youth if they knew anyone who’s ever been arrested, shot, or killed by gun violence.
Every student in the room raised their hand for at least one of the three questions.
When asked if the students cared about their own lives, all of the boys also raised their hands.
Ettienne told the group that in his years of detective work on over 200 homicides the key thing he learned was “none of them made sense or were justified.”
He told the youth to “stay around the right people” and “away from guns.”
Joseph added that the teens should never feel pressured to hold a friend’s gun or pick one up off the ground.
“I got called a punk when I didn’t rob that store,” he said. “You have to start making wise decisions now.”
Evans, a Wilbur Cross High School graduate, told the boys, many of whom said they want to play basketball or football professionally, that he played basketball in high school and that now five of his former teammates have been killed and a sixth is currently incarcerated.
“Your decisions today matter,” Ettienne told the room of youth.
Moore told the officers that he once visited a jail to see his father. He recalled the visit and afterwards telling himself that he “hope[s] it’s not me in the future.”
While eating sandwiches and chips for lunch, Wexler Grant eighth graders Moore (front left in above), Dalontrez Galbergh, Quaran Biggs, Christian Woods, and Aiden Esposito reflected on their two conference sessions.
From the workshops, the boys said they learned to surround themselves with positive people, to always speak up, to respect your parents, and that they can be a huge influence in others’ lives so they should always make the right decisions.
Moore described the topics of Tuesday’s workshops as “really rare” conversations he’s had in his life. “I feel like I knew some of the stuff they said already but I had to learn it myself,” he said. “We don’t always get to talk about what we want to.”
Moore added that being at the conference and hearing from the leaders made him feel good and helped him better understand what to do and what not to do.
Biggs agreed and added that after the Tuesday conference he felt more confident in himself because “if they made it, I can make it,” he said referring to the workshop leaders.
Moore and Biggs made a plan to separate themselves from their friends who occasionally “do small bad things.”
"Show Your Mom Love By Not Getting In Trouble"
Other sessions at the conference were hosted by community leaders like NHPS drop-out prevention specialist Reginald Slade, city youth specialist Ron Huggins, and the Connecticut Violence Intervention Program’s William “Juneboy” Outlaw and Tyrone Whitaker.
During a session about decision making and consequences and the impacts of a criminal record, Whitaker told the youth his story about being incarcerated for 30 years and missing out on his daughter’s youth.
Whitaker asked the room how many of them “love your moms to death.” Every student raised their hand.
“Show your mom love by not getting in trouble,” he said.
Whitaker encouraged the boys to be leaders instead of followers. Outlaw reminded the students that they should not join gangs because “when you go to an ATM machine and say you’re from Ville, ain’t no money going to come out.”
Outlaw described the Tuesday conference as “prevention work” to help teens of color stay out of trouble and respect themselves.
The five-hour conference also weaved in conversations with the students encouraging them to enjoy their teenage years, be confident in their abilities enough to chase their dreams, and love themselves.
Carolina and Perez reported figures to the students about how higher ed can help them to make more money and have a better future.
Hamden Schools Superintendent Gary Highsmith spoke as the keynote speaker telling the students his story of the many obstacles he overcame as a Hill native who has since gone on to become Hamden’s first Black superintendent.
Highsmith, Carolina, and Jefferson are all alumni of SCSU, and served as reminders to the students that they too can get a post-secondary education and be successful.
“Look to your left and look to your right and decide if you have the right people around you,” Carolina concluded.