After the visitors leave, the Independent’s schoolteacher diarist reviews what went right and what could have gone better in a long-awaited performance.
Jan. 23, 2006
So my kids’ performance was today. Oh man. Can I tell you I was having nightmares about it over the weekend? Even when I was on vacation in Utah, I woke up in a cold sweat thinking I hadn’t gotten it together enough to allow them to have a successful performance.
We had a number of visitors, both from within the district and from without, as well as a couple of photographers and reporters from the district and from the New Haven Register. Of course, they’ll never know how hard these kids had to work to get here, nor will they know their individual successes like I do, but that’s okay. (And there I am, on the defensive again.)
I was probably most impressed with my student Adam. Adam is the boy with autism, who, at the beginning of the school year, never spoke unless I stood right next to him, and even then would speak only in whispers as I bent near his desk. Today, he came in with a full maroon suit ready to play his part in the play. He spoke with perfect clarity, conviction, and even ad-libbed a line, bringing joy and humor to the performance and to the other teachers who know him well. I am also totally impressed with a young woman, who, very rough on the outside, resistant and violent, came in today with all of her lines memorized. She had a lead role and performed so well, even one of her peers afterward commented on her skills in front of the whole grade and visitors.
But I was nervous. And the kids were nervous. As soon as I walked in to school, a group of kids clustered around me looking for calm (and a way out of performing). There was nervous energy all over the place, and I could sense that they all had jitters. But I like that kind of thing, because that was the moment they realized that this performance was for real.
So some guests arrived early and sat together with their cameras and notes. The kids saw we had some outsiders and asked me who they were. They were nervous about, but interested in, getting their pictures taken.
For the most part, the performances were good. They don’t really understand the importance of volume when it really counts (unlike in the classroom when they shout at unnecessary times), so their voices weren’t really audible at times. But I’m proud of them.
We celebrated with pizza afterward. I thought it was important for them to celebrate as a whole grade, to further the sense of community they had established for themselves over the course of this project.
As a part of their grade, I’m having them write me a letter about the performance. What was each student’s particular role in the formation of their play? How well had each student prepared? Would they do this project again if they could? What was the best part of the project? The most difficult? Who do they consider worked the hardest in their classroom and how do they know? If they could have made any changes to their performance, what would they be?
I’m looking at some of their responses now, and I’m impressed with their level of intuitiveness. Lots of kids are saying that they couldn’t hear their peers speak, and many of them are upset with the fact that some kids didn’t memorize their lines. Most kids felt relief, if anything.
‚Ä¢ “Oh my God! I can’t believe this is finally over. The planning, preparing, fighting (at times) and hard work has paid off. The performance was great, everybody prepared and executed their parts well. I’m so happy.”
‚Ä¢ “This project was one of the most stressful ones because of the lack of class patience. But all and all, we still came through.”
‚Ä¢ “Seeing everyone happy at the end was the best part because there was no more stress in this area of school.”
‚Ä¢ “The best part of this project was performing it and watching it be performed. There was excitement in me while I was performing and I wasn’t nervous at all. I also was excited about watching the performance. I was looking forward to see what my other associates had put together and performed. They were good and I was proud of them and myself.”
‚Ä¢ “The best part about this project was actually performing the performance. Getting it over and done with brought relief and pride to me. I was proud of the 9th grade for performing well.”
‚Ä¢ “I was being lackadaisical.”
‚Ä¢ “The best part was when this project was all done. I really felt like I completed something for once. I was the best. It gave me a warm feeling inside.”
‚Ä¢ “We worked really hard and we succeeded. We got some wonderful actors, singers, dancers, and comedians. I describe myself as all of the above. Who knows — ¬¶maybe I’ll be an actor when I grow up. Here’s my autograph. It’ll be worth a lot.”
‚Ä¢ “I would definitely do this again. It was a great experience for me and I loved knowing that the whole outcome of this play was in the students’ hands.”
‚Ä¢ “Performing in front of the whole 9th grade and more people was probably the hardest thing in this performance because our 9th grade isn’t the most mature 9th grade, and what if I missed up?! What if the photographer took a bad picture of me and it’s going to be in the newspaper? But I got over and said the hell with it, here goes nothing.”
‚Ä¢ “If I could give myself a grade, I would say “A” because I worked my tail off to memorize the lines, I have been respectful to other scenes and actors and I came to every class rehearsal.”
There are still three classes of letters for me to read, and I’m excited to read them. I’m feeling exhausted, just like my kids are feeling, and I’m even more excited to go home and go to sleep. But I have a district meeting to wade through and then a trip to the gym.
This week is exam week, so we have half-days at school. That means mid-day naps and planning for the next unit: argumentative essays. After that, we’re back to great literature: Beowulf. Yikes.