The Power Of Women

It’s not that all men are selfish, short-sighted louts. Just many of them. But women can take care of themselves, thank you.

Just ask Susan Nolen-Hoeksema (pictured).

Her new book, ​“The Power of Women”, is meant to emphasize and expand female strengths, not run down males, she said.

It’s a self-help book about recognizing good qualities in women, rather than correcting ills.

The opening chapters of the 319-page book portray apparently real men who threaten and abuse their wives or girlfriends, and run up huge credit card bills and skip out without paying, leaving a woman holding the soggy shopping bag. But the point of the book is what women can do by drawing on their own strengths.

After analyzing many studies in the U.S. and abroad, Nolen-Hoeksema, a professor of psychology at Yale, concluded that women excel at finding creative paths to accomplish goals, have strong enough identities to adapt to different roles in life, are empathetic, and naturally know how to ensure that both sides of a negotiation end up benefiting.

All, or many of, these assertions are backed up by studies and or books cited in a generous bibliography, though the text does not refer to the notes.

For example, when the reader is told early on that women have mental strength, identity strengths, emotional strengths, and relational strengths, she is not informed that the statements are based on articles in the journals of Happiness Studies, Adult Development, and Personality and Social Psychology.

Then we meet Jean’s boyfriend and future husband Tom. He seems promising, but then takes a job he loathes at an auto parts store. He starts drinking. It’s downhill from there.

Jean summons the strength to take their daughter, move out, and eventually become a fourth-grade teacher.

“The argument is to showcase women’s strengths, to show what women can bring to a situation,” Nolen-Hoeksema said.

“We’ve focused on what’s wrong with women. Eighty percent of women’s self-help books are focused on women’s low self-esteem,” and other shortcomings, she said.
And much psychological research searches for the causes of female depression, and emotional fragility.

“Most women are doing quite well,” Nolen-Hoeksema said.

Take what happens when Gus, a 76-year-old neighbor to Traci, stubbornly decides to shovel snow off of the sidewalk in front of his house. Not a smart choice.

Gus collapses. Traci dials 911 and goes outside to administer cardiopulmonary resuscitation. Inflate his lungs and push on his heart, over and over.

The male ambulance drivers take 45 minutes to arrive, because they become befuddled in the snow. Twenty minutes before they arrive, Gus is a goner.

‘‘What the hell took you so long,’ Traci said in a quivering voice through clenched teeth,” as the book reports.

Traci confronts the mayor, whose streets are cleanly plowed. Outraged, she raises money, organizes a grassroots campaign, and in the next election, replaces the bad mayor.

Then Traci has to patiently nag a panel she convened to review the unnamed city’s emergency services. ​“I will implement no plans that involve giving just one department more resources,” she tells the panel, whose members ​“sat in stunned silence for a minute and began to protest.”

Everything works out in the end, as Traci insists that everyone work toward shared goals.

As with all of the book’s anecdotes, the source of Traci’s trials is not explicitly cited. All of the women and men remain anonymous.

The story of Traci makes a point. ​“Women score higher in transformational leadership than men,” Nolen-Hoeksema said.

She even has a kind word for Sarah Palin. Palin’s Tea Bag, death panel politics are horrendous, Nolen-Hoeksema said, ​“but she’s effective.”

So, what explains the dismal relations between men and women?

“It’s rooted in roles they’ve played in history. Women had not had control of their own resources,” she said, such as their ability to attain goals.

Whether this inequality is based on biology or culture, or both, is not clear, she said. Evolution may have rewarded women who followed men’s orders, she said.

“There are lots of examples of men helping women build up their strengths,” she said.

Men also suffer in a society that fosters an inability in males to deal with their emotions, she said. ​“Men are still extremely socialized to be aggressive,” Nolen-Hoeksema said.

About half of the book presents methods and exercises for women who want to change their lives for the better.

Even here we find Tim, who is funny, creative, and passionate for his work. However, his wife, Anita, feels that they are cross with each other too much of the time.

“She wants to make their relationship work, but knows a lot has to change or it will fizzle out,” the reader is told.

The prescription for Anita is to soften her focus on the couple’s business, which will ​“open some space” for Tim.

If Tim knows what’s good for him, he will buy this book and read it carefully.

In fact, although the book is intended for women, male readers will gather valuable information on how to improve the lives of their partners, Nolen-Hoeksema said.

Or at least become less of a troglodyte.

While the book has not been out long enough for local men and women to comment, Amazon.com has some positive reviews.
For example:

“A brilliant and eminently practical book that brings the best current research to bear on helping women get untangled from overly reflective thinking and the problems of eating, drinking and depression that go with it. By identifying ​‘the toxic triangle’ connecting these disorders and discussing ways to address their root causes, Susan Nolen-Hoeksema helps those who suffer tap into a wellspring of positive energy and ultimately cure those disorders whose common roots are too often overlooked by practitioners and patients alike.” — William S. Pollack, author of ​“Real Boys and Real Boys’ Voices.”