Derek Holcomb, 51 of New Haven, and Kenneth Schlesinger, 49, of New York City, made their partnership official on Oct. 1, the first day that Connecticut law began recognizing civil unions, at New Haven’s City Hall. The civil union of Holcomb, the guitarist for New Haven’s The Furors and a waiter/bartender at Archie Moore’s, and Schlesinger, a theater librarian, marks an exciting, but not surprising, milestone in a New Haven romance that has lasted 22 years.
On a cold twelfth night, Jan. 6, 1984, Schlesinger, who was then studying at Yale Drama School and living in the Taft Apartments, made a pact with himself: “I decided —”- I vowed —”- that that night I was going to go to Partners, and not go home with anybody.”
Then in walked Holcomb, who was working at Clark’s Dairy during the days and living at home. It was closing time.
Sitting at City Hall yesterday, their application for a civil union on a table before them, Holcomb turned to Schlesinger and joked, “Think what you would have missed if you had kept your vow.” (City Hall stayed open especially to allow gay and lesbian couples to take advantage of the law on its first day.)
For all of that evening in 1984, and many following it, the pair sat for hours discussing their shared passion, the theater. Holcomb had been in the theater department at Boston University before returning home to New Haven.
“I was into Brecht and German theater at the time,” says Schlesinger.
“I tried to get him over that,” Holcomb adds with a smile.
The two dated until Schlesinger’s May 1984 graduation from drama school. They then made a commitment that they have kept to this day, and intend to keep all their lives.
Schlesinger moved to New York, where he is currently on the board of the Theater Library Association, and began traveling to New Haven on weekends. He’s been back nearly every weekend since, to visit Holcomb.
“The relationship stabilized pretty early,” says Holcomb. “We decided early on that we weren’t going to fight. We don’t threaten breaking up or any of that. And we’re both very popular with each other’s mothers.”
“Trust is always something that grows,” adds Schlesinger.
New Haven is so special to Holcomb and Schlesinger that they are planning to hold a ceremony to mark their union next week in Edgerton Park. (“That’s one of our main haunts,” says Holcomb.)
The process of legalizing their partnership in New Haven City Hall yesterday was mostly an exercise in showing driver’s licenses and filling out paperwork.
The pair arrived at City Hall by noon rather than 9 a.m., casually dressed and calm. Both say that the day made them feel proud.
“It’s not something we’d ever planned on. It’s not something we thought would happen in our lifetimes,” says Schlesinger. “But history moves quickly.”