Yusef Poole was raised in New Haven by a single mother. He went to Yale University and now works as an attorney in Atlanta, GA. He recently published a memoir: Road to Barrister: An Urban Monologue.
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In Black America, young boys are learning unconventionally how to be strong, responsible, law-abiding, productive male contributors to their communities. In large number, they are influenced by behavior they see exhibited on television, or are seeking guidance from anyone who will listen. Morals and ethics are not high priority in some cases. So instead of offering a contribution, absentee fathers have drained lives, creating a crisis in the community. By not taking responsibility for their actions in bringing life into being, they have stripped life by denying their sons and daughters the support and love they so desperately need and deserve.
For those who have fathers who are active in their lives, you can only assume what a child might feel when his or her father deserts the family. How does that child feel when possibly the closest man in his or her life leaves home indefinitely? When a father abandons his family a child may feel relief in that the likely cause of her family’s problems is gone. Therefore, her father would no longer hurt her, her mother or the rest of the family.
From a different perspective, a father’s departure may cause a child to become angry and feel hopeless because of the costly effects of the father’s damaging habits on the child and the family’s welfare. As a result, a child’s anger may turn into guilt and lead the child into believing that it was something he or she did, or did not do, causing the father to walk away. As children are accustomed to doing when their parents separate, a child may feel responsible, blaming himself for his father’s departure. Regardless of perspective, typically, a father’s absence negatively impacts the family.
A known proverb is that the wise learn from the mistakes of others. Sadly, some urban youth do not have that luxury, and grow to learn as products of poverty and the streets. They learn how to be men and women by a contradictory notion of trial and error that is stacked against them. Their curious nature is converted into street smarts. And without access to a worthy and willing role model to guide, govern and guard them, that intelligence in males searching to be loved (and in young ladies looking for love in all the wrong places) can so easily be used to repeat a vicious cycle of failing fathers.
Fatherless children sometimes struggle by not having a male’s voice for guidance, someone having their best interest at heart. The lack of a positive father figure or other effective role model directly relates to questionable decision-making in our communities: the development of gangsters and career welfare-dependent mothers, for instance. Some of us sit idly by and watch these changes occur in which some fatherless children transform from intelligent, unassuming and creative kids into hoodlums, drug dealers and, in worse cases, murderers, all attributed to their natural instincts of survival. I cannot add to a growing list of Black men who betray these children, a list headed by absentee fathers.
Is there a practical, workable answer? Can fatherless children consistently avoid the grips of poverty and the streets? The answer is “YES!” However, from the standpoint of the “receiver,” a solution not only seems impossible; it is not realistic for some of these children.
Some children in “broken homes” only know poverty and the boundaries of their immediate communities. Their families, friends, memories and comforts live there. To venture outside those blocks is threatening, and without the urging of one they trust, unthinkable even. To avoid the continuation of a harmful cycle full of unrealized God-given potential, the driving forces must be love, a compassionate heart and relentless commitment for positive change. So, with the understanding that there are different answers to this societal challenge, what exactly does such motivation look like?
It is important to offer a solution that would end such a destructive cycle. A solution, simple as it may be, is seen in volunteerism through educational and social enrichment programs. Unfortunately, our society is widely more concerned with personal success and material gain than with the absolute protection of future generations − o ur young people.
More men of all races, creeds and socio-economic affiliations should become mentors dedicated to filling a void. No more worthwhile cause exists than serving people and providing the consistent support, love and protection they desperately need and desire. With a structured program that promotes building healthy and productive relationships and is assisted by caring mentors similar to those volunteering with nonprofit organizations like Leadership, Education, and Athletics in Partnership, Inc. (L.E.A.P.); Boy and Girl Scouts; Youth Continuum, Inc.; and 100 Black Men, the negative effects of poverty and ignorance prevalent in urban streets that doomed so many fatherless children do not have to be the nails that pierce the coffin of the next generation.