Following are excerpts from the eulogy for Liora Lew at her funeral, delivered Wednesday by Beth El Keser Israel Rabbi Jon-Jay Tilsen.
Liora grew up in the loving home of Mendy & Aliza Lazar, along with her dear sister Tamar, in Haifa, Israel. Her parents, both Holocaust survivors (Dachau), derived divergent lessons from their experience. One concluded that survival was an act of a gracious God; the other concluded that no model of God could be consistent with such an experience. In the crucible of these antithetical theological assumptions, in the context of generational trauma, and in a household that also included a strictly observant grandfather —everyone should have one of those — Liora, following her parents examples, developed into a kind, caring, demanding but forgiving, devout and loving daughter, sister, wife, mother and friend.
Liora embraced and celebrated her Jewish identity and found great satisfaction in building the local and global Jewish community. She maintained intense ties to family and friends in Israel and was there every summer with the girls and Yaron, and for other occasions.
Liora met Yaron in an Israeli submarine — well, something like that — in a country whose Navy is only slightly larger than its Fleet of Space Ships. They both knew very quickly that they had located just the right person to be a partner; formal marriage was a natural step; and 36 years together validated that finding.
Shortly after marriage, after traveling to exotic lands such as England and New York, they developed their own home in Connecticut, where they enjoyed a family connection, and soon settled in New Haven, both completed degree programs, and Liora’s MA in Social work was born shortly before Daphne.
As a social worker, Liora worked on a suicide hotline; with teen mothers; and she worked with cancer care-givers and patients. Liora instilled trust. She went “all the way” in helping people. She offered her own home as a refuge to many a friend. She knew what to do, she did what was needed, she had standards and expectations, she was persistent, and she cared. She had the fortitude to try when success was not assured, and to travel the road as far as needed. Her professional work expressed her personality and was a vehicle to fulfill the fundamental mitzvot of ozeret dalim, zokefet kefufim, matirat asurim — helping the disadvantaged, uplifting the downtrodden, and freeing people from their shackles. She helped thousands of people, some of them in a way that literally saved or transformed their lives. That was Liora, her natural personality, the ultimate social worker.
These same qualities made her a wonderful friend. She was strong and supportive, fun and positive. Some of her favorite activities – Mah Jong, the beach, visiting a winery or hiking, cooking and entertaining – were with family and friends. She loved flowers, she loved food, she loved people. Liora had the tendency to be honest and direct, in the kindest way possible, but without holding back – that quality served her well in her professional life and with her friends and family. She was open, preferred inclusion, and valued each person: “There is room for everyone.” Liora had a very large circle of friends, many very devoted and long-term, and her passing deeply impacts the web of life and elicits tears and weeping.
Liora was a wonderful force in our Congregation, BEKI. She was the driving force creating and building our Benei Mitzva Program. She was a super “PTO” Mom in the Religious School; she was instrumental in our social service projects such as providing school supplies to kids; she helped run the Purim Seudot; she helped run the Sisterhood Giftshop; she was central in directing and supporting the Youth Groups; she served the sufganiyot. I don’t have time to list all of what she did; all I can do is observe that she was instrumental in building our community and express my gratitude for her enormous contribution. I worked rather closely with her in some of those projects, and I can just say that working with Liora was instructive, inspirational and a privilege.
With respect to her place among the people of BEKI, and her facility with the liturgy and ritual, Yaron describes her as “a fish discovering water.” She was and did what every synagogue needs.
Liora was also instrumental in introducing a good number of people BEKI, and in particular Israelis for whom the idea of joining a synagogue it seemed peculiar – she turned some of them on. And no one more than her husband Yaron, whose Kibbutz High School Yearbook could have listed him as the “Most Unlikely to Ever Step Foot in a Synagogue Let Alone Service as its President.” It’s not that Liora made him do anything, it is just that she showed that this could be a home for him, too.
She spoke with her sister Tami every day — every day — for a least an hour. I happened to be on a flight to Israel with her when she was going to help her father move into an assisted living facility, and I personally observed how she and Tami treated her father with respect and love, and the bit of firmness he required. Like others in the family, Mendy and Tami had been in New Haven for the benot mitzva or other events, and some of us the chance to meet them. Despite the distance, Liora enjoyed deep ties with the Lazar and Lew families.
Liora along with Yaron created a warm and loving home for their daughters Daphne, Dana and Maya. Liora was a devoted supporter and advocate for their daughters’– she had the direct phone number of the superintendent of schools – and she encouraged them in their school, ECA, extra-curricular activities, youth groups and then in their advanced education. Their academic success, and fostering the qualities of character required for success in any venture, were a priority. She attended and mostly enjoyed those poetry and other readings, the musical performances, gymnastics.
Liora treated her children as adults, and discussed important and sensitive matters with them even at an early age. She maintained that communication and respect as they grew and sought their own places in the world. She was proud of their accomplishments and derived great life-satisfaction from seeing Daphne, Dana and Maya grow into wonderful adults.
Daphne’s fiance Zach describes Liora as “wise and loving” whose concern was genuine. She was intelligent and remembered the details of people’s lives as an instrument of caring and connecting. Zach’s assessment is that “there are talents and good habits that go into being a good mother, a good friend, and a good community member. There are principles and pieces of advice that, embodied or conveyed at the right moment, can make all the difference. Liora had these talents and habits, she embodied these principles, and she offered this advice. And all freely of her heart. Like Yaron said, she was a giver and not a taker.”
Liora admired and loved her husband, and took him seriously, but she did not allow him to take himself too seriously. That’s how it seemed to me.
It is my deepest wish that you, her family, at this difficult moment can find some sense of peace in knowing that you provide joy and meaning, satisfaction, purpose, care, hope and love to Liora, and that over these years you were there with her and for her, to this very day.